


Not His Place

by Hock_hug



Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [37]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Ouch, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22006702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug
Summary: Nikolaj is getting married to the love of his life, and Patrik is breaking
Relationships: Nikolaj Ehlers/OFC, Nikolaj Ehlers/Patrik Laine, One-sided Nikolaj Ehlers/Patrik Laine
Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1122324
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Not His Place

Patrik thought he had numbed himself enough that this wouldn’t hurt, but he was hurting more than ever. Nikolaj was so happy, and usually that was enough to soothe whatever pain Patrik was feeling, but this time it just aggravated the hurt beyond imagine. When Nikolaj asked him to be his best man, he hadn’t even hesitated in saying yes. No matter what they had been through, good or bad, Nikolaj was his best friend and he would do anything Nikolaj asked him to, even if it made him feel like his heart was being flayed apart. 

Taking a deep breath, Patrik looked at himself in the mirror of his suite. He looked good, despite how terrible he felt, and he was confident that he wouldn’t let any of his feelings leak through his mask. Today was supposed to be the best day of Nikolaj’s life, and who was he to ruin it? He couldn’t.

Patrik ran his fingers through his hair again, thinking through the past year. He knew Nikolaj and his girlfriend- now bride- were serious, but he never thought far enough ahead to think about them getting married. He wasn’t prepared when Nikolaj asked him if it was too soon to propose, he wasn’t prepared when Nikolaj told him that she said yes, and he wasn’t prepared to go through this ceremony without losing the last shreds of his heart that he had left. Of course, he’d make it through well enough. He always did. He just would be whole when it was all over and done with, but that was okay. It had to be okay. 

The wedding venue was decked out in blue and silver and red, and that hurt even more. It wasn’t even Nikolaj’s idea but it felt like the last thing he had with Nikolaj wasn’t theirs anymore. Of course they still had the team and Patrik was just being dramatic, but he couldn’t help but think that he would fit in with the colors better than anyone else Nikolaj could find. Patrik sighed and began putting on his tuxedo. He had to make it through this, if not for his own reasons, then for Nikolaj. He knew that Nikolaj would do anything to soothe him, even if he knew why Patrik felt like he was dying, and he couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t his place. Not anymore.

\---

Being Nikolaj’s best man was an honor, and it was eating Patrik alive. He watched Nikolaj get ready for the happiest day of his life behind a mask of happiness, and he quietly let his heart shatter. Whenever Nikolaj glanced over at him, he grinned or offered some joke, hoping for the warmth that Nikolaj’s smile usually brought him. Instead, his stomach twisted and his chest tightened. He wanted to reach out and grab Nikolaj’s hand, to pull him in and hold him close, but it wasn’t his place. He may be Nikolaj’s best man, his best friend, but he wasn’t who Nikolaj loved. It wasn’t fine, but it would have to be. He had powered through injuries worse than heartbreak before, but it was hard. Before he was ready (he’d never be ready), all of the groomsmen finished getting ready, and Patrik knew that the wedding would start all too soon. Before he could get too deep in his thoughts, Nikolaj approached him, a soft look of concern on his face.

“Pate-” Unable to hear whatever Nikolaj was going to say, Patrik cut him off.

“It’s going to be fine, Niky.” It wasn’t, but he couldn’t tell Nikolaj that. It wasn’t his place. “She loves you. Whatever happens today, it’s going to be okay.” 

Nikolaj didn’t seem any less concerned, so Patrik gave him the best smile he could muster and reached out to straighten his tie. If he had known that they would never stand that close again, he would’ve taken his time. He wouldn’t draw his hands away, he would’ve wrapped his arms around Nikolaj and he would’ve held him close. But he didn’t know, so he drew away. Nikolaj was called away, and Patrik got in line behind the rest of the groomsmen, and he steeled himself for the ceremony.

\---

After everything was said and done, after the reception where he drank more than he should’ve, Patrik collapsed on his stiff hotel bed. It was objectively a beautiful wedding. Everything had gone perfectly, and neither Nikolaj or his bride- his wife- stopped smiling the entire time. They were so in love, and it killed him just a little bit. He sighed and dragged himself out of bed, and began taking off his tuxedo. Once he was dressed in a simple undershirt and boxers, he looked at himself in the hotel mirror. He looked years older than he had that morning, bags under his eyes and hair askew. He dragged his hands down his face before flipping off the light and crawling under the covers. He had survived worse than this before, but he didn’t know how he could survive this. Never in his life had he felt such heartbreak, and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. The only thought that consoled him was that Nikolaj was happy. He was happy and in love, and even if it wasn’t with Patrik, he deserved it. Patrik couldn’t stop the tears that filled his eyes, though he didn’t try. He wept for all of the lost chances, for all of his mistakes and all of the times he could’ve made Nikolaj his, but it was too late. He was too late. He fell asleep on a tear soaked pillow, and he did not dream. He had nothing to dream about anymore. It wasn’t his place.


End file.
